Happiness - what is
Happiness isn’t just one thing; it is multi-dimensional.
Happiness comes as a result of willful intention (intrinsic), directed behavior (extrinsic) and experiencing meaning (both intrinsic and extrinsic) in these three areas: Work, Play, Community.
Work fulfills the need to express, explore, contribute and create value to our environment.
Play produces release and gratification.
Community creates a sense of inclusion, belonging, acceptance, kindness, sharing of lives, food, time and activities.
Unhappiness - what is
Unhappiness comes as a result of a distance between the standards we perceive and the realities we encounter.
When the gap between the perceived image and reality widens, our unhappiness deepens.
How to reverse unhappiness
What then, can we do? Narrow the gap - change your work, engage in a different play, find a new community.
Easier said than done, you say? I beg to differ.
You see, all of life is work. What I mean is, all of life requires work. From the moment you wake up, you take a deep breath, stretch, head to the bathroom, brush your teeth, clean up, shower, get dressed. You make breakfast (or you don’t) and you commute to work. You work, speak, exchange ideas, dig into your psyche to perform the work you’ve been entrusted to do. You eat lunch, drink coffee or tea, you read, learn, ask questions. You commute home in rush hour, pick up your child, play, feed, and nurture your child (if you have one or several). You communicate with your spouse (hopefully you do), plan to-dos for the next day, switch off the lights, close your eyes, curl up and sleep. Even in your sleep, you’re working - you dream, sometimes pleasant dreams, sometimes you’re plagued by nightmares.
Regardless of geographical locations, color, gender, status, or income level, we all work.
So if we work on a daily basis, because life requires that we work in order to breathe, live and survive, then surely we are highly adept at making changes to better our situations, regardless of our perception of how difficult that change might be, or how long the change would take.
If there is one thing constant in life - it is change. Life changes, situations change, environments change, people change. Change is like a river’s current - it sweeps everything in its path of travel. When we resist change, we create conflict, tension and unhappiness.
Joy is intrinsic - my coping mechanism
I recall growing up in a household with a lot of pain. Not a single day went without raised voices and arguments, angry reprimands and accusations. Not a single week went by without my tender skin being whipped/caned so my rebellious heart would succumb and submit.
I learned to overcome those troubles and to create joy for myself regardless of my daily inflictions. I refused to allow my circumstances pull me into an abyss of darkness which strips me of all powers to ever climb out of that pit to see light in the clear sky or the sun shining gloriously on me.
I found ways to be thankful - each night as I laid in bed before I slept, I whispered a prayer of gratitude for the bed I was lying on, the stillness of the night (except for the occasional eerie cry of stray cats in the back alley), the safety of my home from burglary, the safety of my country from earthquake or other natural catastrophe.
I found ways to be joyful in my friends in school - I played hard and laughed even harder.
I am a natural rebel. When something pulls me down, I pull myself up. When you restrict me, I struggle to break free.
When you are upset, I would naturally counter it by being happy and my joy would come across to you as being insensitive but really what I was trying to do is to diffuse the very heavy tension in the air between us.
My joy is not meant to be an offense to you. My joy is my way of coping. Because even I am suffering. And I can’t be your balm. I can do it for me, I can’t do it for you.
