We question so much yet we don’t find answers.
We learn about our past, our childhood, we learn about who we are, yet all these knowledge, at the first instance might seem like they help us to understand ourselves and make better decisions moving forward; they don’t, after a while. They become once again, just more knowledge we acquire.
That’s because knowledge isn’t merely to inform. Knowledge is meant to equip.
Let me illustrate.
I wonder why I need tenderness and affection as an adult. I dug into my past and realized it’s because I was deprived of love, affection, warmth and affirmation from my parents when I was little. Strict disciplinarians, parents holding dual jobs each, below average income, lots of stress and anger in the household - you get the idea - these are recipes for an achievement based and devoid of love upbringing.
Now, equipped with this new knowledge, I got excited. I was like, wham, bham! I found the answer! I can now move on, having been equipped with this newfound knowledge about myself.
But.. how do I move forward? Knowing I was deprived of love as a child was helpful, but now what? What does this knowledge help me with?
Acquiring knowledge is only the first half of the equation. The second half of the equation is more important - what you do with the knowledge you acquire.
If you don’t apply or practice the knowledge you acquire, it is as good as not acquiring it in the first place. It is wasted knowledge. With knowledge always is the need for application or practice, the absence of which renders the knowledge useless.
How do I apply this knowledge in my case?
Moving forward, I will observe the occurrence of lack and where that lack came from. Back to my personal story, I know I lacked love and I need love and affection. Instead of searching for love in others, I have to find love and affection within myself. This is because if I am not rich on the inside myself, I will not be able to love someone else, and neither will I be able to healthily allow someone to love me (I might be so deprived I’d be needy of my partner and that is detrimental to healthy relationships).
When you read a self help book or article, it isn’t just to puff you up with more knowledge so you could ramble off what you just read to your friends and coworkers and appear intelligent - it is so you could honestly reflect upon your life, apply the knowledge you’ve learnt into your own life, be a better human being, and while you’re at it, better your space, influence and community. This has a large affect. Every change that happens in an individual has far reaching effects. This is synonymous to former Indian peace leader Gandhi’s statement: If you want to change the world, start with yourself.
One person changed is the next person changed, is the next hundredth, thousandth, millionth, billionth person changed.
We are already equipped with all that we need. We are created and equipped from the beginning. All that we need is within us. We just need to be. Be exactly what you need to be right here, right now. Not later, not tomorrow.
To love myself, I have to understand that and practice that. To love myself, I have to not look to others for validation or affirmation. I have to, just be.
Practice this with me, if you will, for the next seven days - do not judge yourself one bit. Just be.
Do I look ok? Do I look good? Do I not look good?
Did I try hard enough? Did I do my best? Could I have done better?
Should I write this? Will anyone benefit from reading it? Will it help someone? Will it not help someone?
Instead of questioning, just do as your first gut feel tells you to. Just be your most natural self. That is your best self.
Practice being your most natural and best self for the next seven days, with absolutely no judgment and doubt, and see what happens.
